It seems like just yesterday I was laying in bed, crying, so scared of Alexa being born. I had a major case of the baby blues just before she was even born. I wasn't scared of the surgery, or being a mom. (Well I was a little nervous about the surgery, but it wasn't my #1 fear.) I was so worried about having Alexa on the outside of me, in the real world. I had her safely snuggled in my protective womb for nine months and I was completely terrified of that moment where they pulled her out, cut the cord, and took her away to clean her off, etc.-- because for the first time in my baby's life, she wouldn't be a part of me anymore. I played out that scene a thousand times in my head. I was more than excited to have her to hold in my arms, but knowing that very next day of my scheduled cesarean would be the end of my pregnancy, made me feel a little depressed. I was very attached to her then, and I still am.
That feeling completely passed as soon as she was born. The surgery went well, for the most part. Anesthesia was great so I felt nothing at all. I watched so many c-sections on TV and YouTube, I pretty much knew exactly what was going on without being able to see anything. I actually told Elias when they were starting to pull her out. It's a weird sensation under anesthesia because you don't feel pain or cutting; only movement. The anesthesiologist standing behind me gave Elias the go-ahead to stand up and get Alexa's birth on video (and what a perfect video it turned out to be). Every mom waits for that first cry, and there it was-- the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. My child.
Alexa was born at 6:59pm June 30, 2009. 6lb. 15oz., 18 inches. (Much smaller than what we had expected!)
I didn't get to see her at first because they immediately took her to wipe off, check her heartbeat, cut the cord, and whatever else it is they do with newborns. Elias came over to me and told me how cute she was. As soon as she was all wrapped up, a nurse brought her over to me so I could see her before they took her for her bath. I remember she looked exactly how I'd pictured her--just like her daddy! She was precious. I gave her a kiss and told Elias to go with her while they finished up my surgery.
While they were gone, all I could think about was Wow, she's here. I'm a mom now. My baby is here, just in the other room waiting for me. I was beyond excited to be able to hold her. Just moments after they left, I got extremely nauseous. I told the anesthesiologist and he said, "Ok, I'll take care of that for you." So reassuring. He was awesome. But before the meds kicked in, my stomach started contracting like crazy, like my body just wanted me to barf. It was such an icky feeling having your tummy involuntarily contracting while being operated on in that same area. I'll never forget that. But soon enough, the lovely Zofran kicked in and all was fine and dandy.. for a while anyway.
They finally sewed me up and I got to go into the recovery room where my little family was waiting for me. Alexa was so adorable. I wanted to hold her and cuddle her forever. The nurse offered to take a picture of us all together... I still treasure that picture and always will because it is our first family picture. I told her I wanted to breastfeed right away, so she got me and Alexa all set up and thank goodness Alexa was a pro. We were supposed to wait until I had some feeling back in my legs before I could go into one of the regular rooms, but it was taking way longer than expected, so they went ahead and sent us off. I remember these itchy things they had wrapped around my legs. They were kind of cool though because they gave me leg massages to keep the blood flowing.
We got situated in our room and the nausea came back full force. It must've had something to do with the anesthesia because as soon as it wore off (which wasn't until early the next morning), I was ok. It was really tough because I was having trouble staying awake, and Alexa would get hungry and of course I'd wake up and become more alert so I could feed her, and the nausea/stomach contractions would come back. I was so frustrated trying my best to feed her and dry heaving at the same time. My nurse took great care of me through the roughest times, and after that we were great.
Alexa was an amazing sleeper. We had to wake her up just to feed her. I remember one night we let her stay in the nursery for a while so we could get some rest, fully expecting her to come back in 2-3 hours for a feeding. I woke up and it had been four hours. She came back soon after that, and I think the nurse actually had to wake her up. Alexa was an absolute dream baby!
The rest of the hospital stay was great, as long as I was in bed. Moving around hurt like hell. They encouraged me to get up and walk around, which I did, but not much. One of the nurses taught me how to get out of bed on my own, which was a huge help. It was very tricky. I remember it, though, which is good because I'm sure I'll be needing that knowledge some time in the future.
Thinking back on that hospital stay, it was a really positive experience and I actually miss it. (The food was awesome, which helped.) As soon as we were home, we were on our own. My own little family.
I miss Alexa being so small, but she is so much fun now. Each age and stage so far has brought something new and fun and I've loved every minute of it. I can't wait to see what's in store for us next.
Sorry this post was so long, but I felt like today deserved something special!
We opened some presents today and took pictures of her digging into her cake (which I made simply for photo purposes). It was the most hilarious thing I've seen in a while. We pretty much sat her there with the cake and waited to see what she would do. Well, take a look at a few pictures just to see how it went! (Love the one where she dives in face first, lol.)
So, happy birthday to my baby girl! You are the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me, and I can't wait to see what the future holds for us.
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