Mommy and Alexa: Father's Day

Of course today deserves its own post. It's Elias's first father's day since Alexa was born. He isn't here to celebrate us but it doesn't mean I'm not thinking of him and appreciating how great he has been through this journey as parents together.

Growing up, and even into adulthood, I've had a crappy idea of what it means to be a father. My dad was a horrible example. (I know there are tons of dads out there who are a million times worse, and I am not in any way trying to compare my situation.) No, he wasn't abusive and yes, he was present. But was he truly a "father"? No. We had a rocky relationship from the time I was little and as I grew up, nothing changed. When my parents split up, he started spoiling me and buying me everything I wanted.. which would make it seem like he was actually trying. It turned out he just wanted me to choose to live with him instead of my mom so that he could get back at her for the divorce. I moved out to Texas with my mom and it became painfully obvious how little he cared about me. I rarely got as little as a phone call, even to say "Happy Birthday." I don't think there was one year he remembered. We had a bad falling out right before I got married and I haven't spoken to him since. He tried calling me for a while, but I had already given up on him. Having him in my life always caused stress and nothing positive so I cut him off. It's sad that he has a granddaughter who he's never met. Sometimes it makes me feel bad but I know he does not deserve to know my child. It's his loss. She has plenty of family around who love and care for her. He played no positive role in making me the person I am today. If anything, he has taught me how not to be a parent.

My husband has completely changed the way I look at what a father should be. He was just born to be a dad. You can see it in the way he interacts Alexa.. It truly melts my heart. He is so loving and caring and helpful. He goes above and beyond for her.

After I had my c-section and was in the hospital after giving birth to Alexa, he was superdad. I was extremely nauseous coming out of surgery. I was struggling to learn the whole breastfeeding thing because every time I tried to feed her, my stomach would start contracting and I was ready to hurl. Then after anesthesia wore off, I was in a lot of pain. Elias stepped right up and did everything he could. He changed all her diapers, learned how to swaddle her, dressed her, rocked her to sleep, and brought her to me when she got hungry. He'd position her just right and put pillows under my arms so they wouldn't get tired. He was also wonderful at helping me move around and get out of bed, because I couldn't do it on my own. He did so much, I don't think I even changed any diapers until we had been home for a while. And the thing is, I never had to ask him for anything. He just knew what to do.

After we were home, he wanted to be the one to wake up with Alexa at night but I was the one who had to do all the feeding, so he insisted that he would get up and bring her to me every time she got hungry. Whenever we went out, he would wear her in the baby carrier. He made it so that I wouldn't have to do any work. At home, he'd get back after a long day at work and talk to her and play with her and basically take over everything I did during the day. Bath time became his "thing" and it was always that way until he left.

He's the sweetest daddy I've ever seen. Alexa loves him so much and I'd definitely say those two are best friends. One of the hardest parts of him being gone is that I miss watching them together. Him talking to her, tickling her, telling her "who's got the stinky patas(feet)?" and making her laugh her adorable belly laugh. I love those two together and it breaks my heart that they have to be apart so long. I was looking through pictures today and seeing picture after picture of them together up until the last picture they took together the day he left in April. After that it is just pictures of Alexa by herself. I realized that in two short weeks, he will be here and he will be in pictures with her again.. the pictures of her first birthday party! It gave me goosebumps. I know she doesn't know what's going on but I'm excited for her. Our family will be whole again, even if it's only for a couple of days.

So I just want to say THANK YOU to my hubby for going above and beyond for us and being the awesome daddy that you are! I appreciate it more than you will ever know. I can't wait to see you again!

Now, here are a few pictures taken throughout our journey of parenthood!